I call to your attention the November 29th discovery of the body of a murdered Jackson State University student. Latasha Norman was found in a wooded area in the northern most part of Jackson, Mississippi. The 20 year old had been missing since November 13th after leaving the university’s campus with her ex-boyfriend. Many of you may have heard this story—honor student killed by her 24 year old ex-boyfriend.
Admittedly, there was a vested interest in that story as I am an alumnus of Jackson State University. To hear something so heinous is deeply saddening anywhere, but especially when it hits so close to home. I want us all to think about the magnitude of such an act, whether it be in Jackson, Opelousas, or New York. How does this affect significant others of both the victim and the accused? What leads people to take the lives of others, particularly where intimate relationships are or once were involved? And lastly, what could have become of these individuals?
Violence in relationships is something we hear or read about, but often times getting wind of such a story is supervening to a much more sinister act. When we turn on the news, there are generally a number of stories related to women and even men for that matter, that have been the victims of violence in intimate relationships. But what we see is only a smidgen of the actual numbers of cases that are reported and those that are not. We all know it happens, but we never really get a true measure of violent occurrences in these violent acts.
Here are the facts: estimates range from 960,000 to 3,000,000 incidents per year in violence against a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend according to the US Department of Justice. Intimate partner violence is primarily a crime against women where they make up about 85 percent of all reported cases leaving the remaining 15 percent of cases to men. The Commonwealth Fund survey reports that about one-third of American women report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives. Women are five to eight times more likely than men to be victimized by an intimate partner. In the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in this country every day.
As shocking as these data are, they only scratch the surface. If we dichotomized youth and adult violence in intimate relationships, we would notice that approximately one in five female high school students report being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner (Silverman et al.). We would also find that about 40 percent of girls between the age 14 to 17 reports knowing someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend (Kaiser Permanente).
What are we teaching our boys and girls, young men and women at home? More importantly, what are we not teaching them? Just as I indicated in a previous writing, socialization is an all-important part of a person’s growth. Children learn exactly what they are taught and mimic what they see. Interestingly, they do not learn what they are not taught. We have to teach children and our growing young men and women the kindergarten rule to “keep all hands, feet, and objects to oneself.” They should also be taught when and how to get out of abusive relationships, as well as knowing the difference between love and war. Love does not involve constant fighting and bickering—that’s war!
I am hopeful that the information presented here is prevailing enough for every person to sit back and examine what is truly going on and our individual role in fixing this problem of senseless violence. Whether we claim to love someone or not, we cannot change the other person in our intimate relationships by hitting them or verbally abusing them. Abuse among intimates is not associated with a specific race and has no class association. We should know exactly who we are getting involved with before we make commitments. But if we miss the signs only to find out later that we are in an abusive relationship, get out immediately! Don’t wait until the second or third strike because it may be too late. The bottom line is, love shouldn’t hurt. © 2008 Keydron Guinn
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2 comments:
I’m elated that you addressed the misconception that this type of abuse is only prevalent among certain groups of people. As a woman from a "good family" I never imagined that I would find myself in an abusive relationship. I was fortunate to have a social network that was able to support me once I gained the courage to admit that this relationship was toxic, end this relationship, and then take the necessary legal steps to ensure my personal safety. I hope this blog will help parents begin the discussion with their sons and daughters about intimate partner violence. I believe that we must equip our sons and daughters with the skills to identify when they may either are the abused or the abuser and how to seek help.
I think this is such an important issue and you are exactly right. If young women or men grow up watching their mom get hit on or their dad hit someone, they think that it is the normal way of life.
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